Another wave of fear passes over me. My body shakes. My teeth clench. My jaw aches. Here comes another wave. Quicker in coming than the last. And another. Heart pounding through my chest. Endless waves. Over and over. Waves of terror. Consume me. Footage of things I cannot change. On replay. On speed. The remote…
Perfect Family
Would you like more kids? When are you going to have another? Surely you want a big family. She would make a great big sister. Questions that seems so innocent, part of everyday conversation. Asked by friends, family, strangers. One of many in the line of questions when you meet any mother. But for so…
Invisible
You left me laying on a table, vacuuming my insides. My husband, my child taken away. Without a word of comfort. Without a word of care. Without telling me when I could see them again. Without explaining what was going on. I lay there in terror and confusion and sadness while you discussed The Bachelor….
The Fear of Shame
Shame. Shame. Shame. Whether you are old enough to recall Derryn Hinch speaking his mind or awesome enough to picture Cersei Lannister covered in unspeakable mess, shame is something we all know. Got that, we ALL know. Shame is that voice inside that tells us we’re not good enough. That we don’t deserve _______. That…
Labour is the only blind date where you know you will meet the love of your life
‘You’re going to have this baby. You’re going to have this baby now’. Pre-eclampsia. Blood pressure at stroke levels. A breech baby. Nurses rushed. Frantic phone calls were made. All plans thrown out the window, along with the playlist of kick arse songs for labour. Panic set in. —– Labour is the only blind date…
Goodbye
I never met you but I loved you. Without ever feeling you move, seeing your face or hearing your voice. I loved you because you were family. You were going to be a lifetime friend and cousin to my own daughter. The two girls in the family, getting up to mischief together. Dancing, singing, running…
Tantrum Troubles
Yes, it was my child that was having the huge tantrum at the end of Kindergym, in the car park and travelling home. It was me trying to distract her and keep my own cool as she kicked and screamed and lashed out. It was a stranger, an absolutely lovely mum that smiled at me…
The Anxiety of Parenting
I’m weighing up letting her sleep away, leaving me to worry, versus sneaking in there, ninja style, to carefully pull the blanket away. Quiet as a mouse. So she’s not overheated. So she can sleep. So I sleep.
She Calls Me Mum 